Hijab-Dejab. It's like a switch button.

I hate that I have to write this post but I guess I should have seen it coming. I am after all a a doting mother of 2, modern moslem woman and after all, isn’t this the favorite topic of the people in my generation?*sarcasm*

I need to write this for my own healing and for anyone else out there who have been questioned for their decisions around hijab (…Why do you wear it? Why don’t you wear it? Slapforehead *again with the sarcasm*)

First off, a little context: Recently, I started wearing hijab. I had never worn it full time before that except when attending religious classes, enter the mosque or in a muslim community for several reason of good bonding. 

There is no main reason for me why I want to hijab. Being a widowed and having a teenager son and a little daughter and with age in my late 30s, I think I should appear more solemn rather than appear like Tina Turner with a mo-hawk hairstyle. 

At all it started with my ex boyfriend, who was an Albanian-catholic and if he was to convert to Islam and he prefers me to cover as being an example of moslem women but of course I did not do it to please any man. At that time of a point, I felt that being hijab was just covering my modesty. Sure in the Quran was stated in one of the verses that to inform their females, wives, daughters or slaves of the right hand to cover themselves in veil as it was better for them. I never deny that. 

Of course when I started to put on, many friends in my circle of influence became close to me and embrace me with the hijab. Many would have recommend me to go online to shop for hijab or style like themselves as trendy muslimah with shaylas, abayahs, princess arabia accessories and other glamorous fashion stuffs. And that leads on to many other ways of showing off their credibility to show off and criticism among others that they don't favour. But this is the part that dont favour me the most. By covering ourselves with hijab we have to learn humbility in ourselves and act moderately to sustain goodness in ourselves. 

But somehow I got turned off with their characteristic and their hijab intentions. I'm not assuming all but some percentage of women like to clump themselves with superior attitudes when they got themselves a degree of enlightenment. I wasn't sure why that my sisters and other relatives thinks radical that being in hijab was signifier for me to be a better muslimah. Again I'm doing self search on myself. I even have some friends who actually expressed their happiness ALHAMDULILAH that I have hijab myself. Especially when they tracked my pictures on IG or my Facebook accounts. And all that were so FARKED FAKE attitude that I never like in them. Some even try to relate stories or short comments on how they feel that God has guided them to be a better person in hijab. And even check themselves in on social media that they are at mosques waiting for prayers or listening to the sermon of infamous ustaz. 

And now the turning point.. :-)  I put on hijab whenever I am with my kids, going to mosques or to any moslem events to fit in the moslem community dress codes but when comes to my career, I become a normal civilian person the best I can be. I'm comfortable to perform my job interact with my fellow colleagues from various countries. I know they are being respectful with those in hijabs. Nevertheless I prefer not to create any confusion for myself as at times I have coffee and cigarettes whenever we have discussion. It would be ridiculously insane in Asia if they were to see me with hijab and malboro menthol slid in between my fingers.
For that I'm not insane.

Another thing that turned me off and absolute if I can vomit at them, I will. Blargggh.. supreme annoying! Whenever I posted pictures on my IG, twitter, or whatsoever the most mundance place .. FACEBOOK. Many of my friendlist who are especially local here: same skin, same mother-tongue needless more to say same racial ethnic. Those are pretty much who always 24/7 would have nothing better to do, losers with a big L in their heads that constantly scrolling their mobiles whenever they are and keep stalking on your profiles and like like like in every of your pictures. "Pretentiously leaving comments : Oh girl, alhamdulilah you look sweet and very nice muslimah on that hijab" and after awhile when they saw you repost old pictures with dejab, oh they will put sarcarsm comments below your posts. Or to discuss illness speaking to other contacts. Does Islam encourage you to do that?
Well I can't stop them either. :)

To discuss about hijab dejab can be personal, culture, religious related and political . I'm just feeling better myself and comfortabl,e that is most important. I'm not a blogger to attract neither I'm a extremist preacher. Each to his own life and I'm on my own world.  Peace.

If any were to tell me by showing a single hair in the public is haram and equal 70,000 years of hell punishment, I would have guessed HADES have let you entered hell earlier. I do respect religious hadiths and sunnah but using extreme words is such a careless whisper.